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Monday, August 28, 2000

It's not that everything I was so jubilant about yesterday isn't still true today. It's just that no matter how much joy there is in the concept of moving, it's still in fact a stressful experience. And it's a physically exhausting one. I can feel it in my arms and shoulders and legs. My back is stronger than it was a few months ago, but I'm pushing it to the limit here. And I'm so weary I can barely keep my head up.

It turns out that I won't be able to move anything into the new house until Thursday, the day on which everything must be moved. When I was there this afternoon, the landlords had made progress on the kitchen. The wall was up, along with a new set of cabinets. The painting was coming along as well, but so much remains. And the carpet isn't being cleaned until six o'clock Wednesday.

So I have no choice but to move as much as I can into the garage. At least it's clean in there, and the Vacating Tenant seems to have removed everything of his. I took two carloads over tonight, and I got the rest ready for David to help me with tomorrow. It's definitely coming together, but I'd hoped not to have so much left to do on the last day.

The timing for this move is so compressed, compared to the last time. I had over a month then to get my Stuff ready, and to get myself mentally prepared. This time, it's been three weeks since I first learned of the possibility of moving, and everything is being done this week. I feel compelled to push myself as hard as I can stand. Any time I'm not packing or transporting something is wasted.

Ideally the only things left to move Thursday would have been just what I needed Wednesday, plus whatever wouldn't fit in the van or the car. My bed, the office supplies and equipment, and the furniture. I'd hoped to have everything else taken care of ahead of time. Now, because I can't get into the house, it's up in the air again.

Most things I can leave in the garage for two or three days, and then move them into the house Thursday and Friday. There are some items, perishables and valuables, that I'd have felt comfortable taking to the house but not the garage.

I guess what I'm saying is that as confident as I felt yesterday that everything would go according to plan, it's obvious that hitches and glitches are still cropping up. And that makes me wonder what's next.

If you know me, you know that my mood swings are prodigious. Sometimes I can hide them by internalizing the emotional roller coaster. That's why I have a reputation among people I work with as someone who maintains balance and stability, even though I'm often in either a rage or a funk under the surface. My family knows me better, though.

It's just as well that I work alone, and live alone, when I'm feeling the blues this way.

The bright side is that this means tomorrow should be a better day. I know intellectually that there's no reason in the world for me to stay down, with so many good things ahead. It helps to know that, even when I'm stuck in the murky quagmire.

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