The first thing you need to know is that my landlord is a plumber. The second thing you need to know is that the first thing does me no good, as far as the plumbing in my house goes. When I first moved in, I asked him for some help with a slow-running toilet, and he told me to eat more greens and less meat. That’s not the kind of advice I need from either a plumber or a landlord.

Anyway, nowadays I eat plenty of greens and not much meat, but that doesn’t mean my toilet works as well as it should. In fact, not only has my toilet been stubborn (you might even say constipated) the whole seven years I’ve lived here, but my drains in the shower and the bathroom sink have always been petulant and cantankerous. I go through a lot more drain opening gunk than I really should, trying to keep them flowing smoothly and easily.

The third thing you need to know is that all of these problems, with the toilet and the drains, gets worse during the winter. Last winter was an especially dry one, so it wasn’t so bad. It hasn’t been so bad so far this year, but winter doesn’t start until next week. We’ve had some rain already, though, and the old problems have come up from time to time. The last few days have been trying, but I’ve coped. I have ways of making the toilet flush, even when it doesn’t particularly want to.

Yes, I could call the landlord and complain. I probably should, but you know what’s going to happen. He’ll come over and the toilet will flush properly and the drains will flow easily and the only thing left for him to do will be wonder why I don’t clean the bathroom more often. Nobody wants that to happen.

The last thing you need to know is that you don’t really need to know any of this. I’m just telling you because that’s what I do.