bunt sign

Monday, December 28, 2009

It must be the time of year. Somehow I got caught looking in two directions at the same time today. It all caught up with me at once, the weight of the past few days (weeks, months, whatever) of doing anything but sleeping, and the prospect of a blind plunge into the days (weeks, months) ahead. I got a little dizzy, spun around a few times and fell down.

Not literally, of course. It all happened inside my head. Besides, I was sitting down at the time, so the fall wouldn’t have been that far even if it had been a literal one. What really happened was, I couldn’t keep my eyes open and I fell into a deep midday sleep, and when I woke up I still didn’t feel fully awake. Whatever the name for that condition is, I blame the time of year. Too much. Not enough time.

The thing is, it’s not totally unsatisfying to hit an imaginary wall and fall into a deep trancelike state. It sounds worse than it feels. For one thing, during the event, everything else goes away, including all the stuff that’s been keeping me awake. Once that’s gone, I can indulge myself in imagining the better world I used to believe in, the one where everything goes right. All it takes is being oblivious to reality for a couple of hours. At least, that’s a start.




28 December 2009



It’s tempting to say today’s stupor will have a positive effect on how tomorrow turns out, but I don’t think I should count on that. I’m hopeful, though, just knowing that something like this is possible, and that I didn’t have to do anything to make it happen except (a) work too hard, (2) sleep too little, and (c) give up all control. I’m pretty sure that’s not the key to happiness, but for now I’ll take a little occasional retreat from reality.




previousbunt signtwitter emailnext

Holidailies

Stuff

Comments for this entry:
Last entry's comments:


This date in: 2008 2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001 2000


Subscribe to the bunt sign notify list to be advised when this site is updated.






Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com