I'm being harassed by busybody software and nosy electronic devices. The new Connection Manager that Yahoo installed when they insisted that I "upgrade" my DSL account is supposed to monitor my Internet connection so that I don't have any problems with it. So yesterday a window popped up and told me my connection had been interrupted, and asked if I wanted to repair it.

Oh yeah, I want to repair my connection, you bet. Where do I click? It went through a series of diagnostics during which it kept asking me questions it already knew. I had to re-enter the model number of my modem and tell it which lights were blinking and which were steady.

Then another message came on the screen, informing me that my modem was operating properly but that some settings had been changed. I had to restart the computer. Did I want to do it now?

Fine. If it means I'll get the lost Internet connection restored, by all means, let me save all my open documents, and then do what you have to do.

After the reboot, I checked to make sure the connection was working. Email was fine, browser was dandy, everything was fine and dandy. Thank you, Connection Manager.

About an hour later, the Connection Manager window popped up again. I'd lost my connection. Did I want it repaired?

This time, I checked things out before I clicked the Repair button. Sure enough, everything was just as fine and dandy as it had been after I'd gone through the ordeal an hour before. So I ignored the warning message, and within a minute or two, it sheepishly admitted that my connection was working properly. Then the window withdrew off the bottom of the screen, hanging its head.

So now I ignore the warnings. Some day maybe I'll have a real problem, but I'll just assume it's a mistaken message like all the others. This is the price we pay for upgrading, when "upgrade" means the same thing as "let me see how much more I can insinuate myself into your life and do your thinking for you." Or something like that.

Then, as if in sympathy to its electronic brother, the warning system on my new Saturn told me I had "Low Fuel." It gave me this message just as I pulled into the gas station and turned off the engine. I don't know if it smelled the fresh gas or what, but I gave it my cross-eyed, pursed-mouth "I knooooow!" look.

After I filled the tank, I got an obviously bogus message. "Oil Life." I couldn't possibly have a problem with the age of my oil, when the car has only 250 miles on it. I was actually pushing the little Trip Odometer stem to try to reset it, and instead I got "Oil Life." What's up with that?

At my next stop, I pulled the manual out of the glove box and found out I have to hold the odometer stem down for two seconds to reset it. I learn something new about the car every day. I have five years to learn the rest.