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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Do you ever feel as if whatever decision you make, itís going to turn out to be the wrong one? I was thinking of that while I was losing at Solitaire today, but really, it applies to life in general. Everything I do seems to be all about plowing through mistakes that would have been avoidable if only Iíd seen what was lurking around that dark corner. Or what was under that black seven.

The choices are to keep trying, or never to do anything. Believe me, Iíve done the latter plenty of times in my life, and itís never really got me anywhere. But when I think back, I wonder if the do-nothing option hasnít saved me from even bigger problems, at least some of the time. I know for sure that saying nothing when everyone around you is jabbering their fool heads off is the best way to go. The say-nothing option has never failed me, as far as I know.

When Iím forced to make a choice, I do it and take the consequences. Iíd have to say theyíve been good and bad in about equal proportion, which is why Iím thinking no choice at all would probably yield the same result on the pie chart of life. So you just plod through the days one at a time and hope for the best, I guess. Itís sort of a non-spiritual fatalism, or maybe an existential conservatism. Itís a way of justifying both action and non-action without seeming obliviously clueless about it all.

8 July 2007

The small oaks in my yard are flourishing.

Whether all this leads to a happy life depends on what you decide happiness is. My guess is that almost anyoneís life could be happier. All youíd need would be different circumstances, most of which are probably beyond your control anyway. I like to think that things could be worse. Thatís what keeps me going, that and the possibility of the small graces and unexpected delights scattered randomly across the landscape. You get enough of those and youíre probably better off than most of the people who think theyíre actually in control of things.

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"Iím not here to impress delivery drivers, but I would be embarrassed to be seen by the garbage man or even a politician looking like that."

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And furthermore I hope my meaning wonít be lost or misconstrued

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