So I had to go to work on the Demons. In my eternal quest to overcome, I have some weapons. It's not that I'm totally at their mercy, but I have to be mindful enough to take the actions needed. I just need to reach a ledge on my way down to the bottom, and hold on long enough to look up instead of down.
One of today's saviors was Don Henley. Wednesday night on The West Wing, Henley's "New York Minute" was featured. (In fact the title of the episode was "Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail.") Okay, so all of his songs aren't exactly upbeat. Still, it's the sound of happier times.
Catching up on my email is usually good for a boost. Some wonderful people read this journal, and I'm lucky to have them and occasionally hear from some of them. It's a support network of friends, and it's a comfort. I've never had this much close contact with so many terrific people since… since… I don't know, third grade?
And reading other journals online reminds me that (a) I'm not alone, (b) some people have much greater problems than mine, and (c) many journal writers lead the kind of life I aspire to, filled with life, love and laughter. Oh, and (d) in half the world summer is coming to an end. (And huzzahs, by the way, to all the Diarist award winners, and to all the losers, and to all the never-been-nominateds, and to all the couldn't-care-lesses.)
Then there was the tape I found of episodes of The Simpsons and Malcolm in the Middle from last month that I hadn't watched yet. Now there's the way to break up the day. Two of the smartest, funniest shows on TV can almost make me feel smart and funny, on a day when I started out anything but.
At one point this morning, I walked out the front door and stood in the garden, perfectly still, just to hear the birds. Some of them even came around, to the higher limbs of the trees surrounding me. It just felt good to be part of something that has nothing to do with business or missed chances or the emptiness left by absent friends. I needed something I'd never find in a spreadsheet or a checkbook. Out there, for a moment anyway, I had no deadlines to meet or standards to live up to. I could just be.