You can check the classifieds. There aren't any openings for a professional television watcher or a professional novel reader. What a shame. The only things I'm good at, and I can't live off those abilities. I'll just have to go on doing them on company time.

I don't want to be a TV critic or a book reviewer. That's too much like real work, and it requires actual thinking. I'd just like to be rewarded for sitting around watching prime time dramas and reading popular fiction. A person is supposed to enjoy his job, right? I don't like answering phones and writing spreadsheets nearly as much as I like The West Wing and The Lovely Bones.

Being a movie watcher would be okay, too, I guess. I don't know, though. I'd have to leave the house for that, and I'm looking for something I can do at home, like my current job. I can watch DVDs, of course. I proved that by watching Spirit three times in two days.

If I could work this all out somehow, I wouldn't even need a hobby. I'd never take days off or go on vacation. I'd put in long hours for low wages, just enough to pay the rent and keep the larder full. I wouldn't want to run out of bean burritos, Raisin Bran Crunch or Diet Mountain Dew.

I can branch out, if necessary. Currently I watch only one soap opera and a couple of telenovelas. I can do a lot better in those departments. Even I have limits, though. I won't watch stock market reports, infomercials, Geraldo or Fear Factor, no matter how much you pay me. A professional has to have some standards.

As for reading, I've admitted that I'm a slow reader, so I have to pick and choose carefully, even if it's my job. English mysteries yes, techno-thrillers no. And just because I start a book doesn't mean I have to finish it. That's the kind of insight I would bring to this job, after years of amateur experience.