Whenever I get a message that starts, "Did you remember to ..." I get this twisted feeling in my stomach that whatever comes next is something I promised over the phone that escaped into the vapors as soon as I hung up. It's a memory deficit disorder that would get me in a lot of trouble if I didn't have an instinct for survival. I can backtrack, camouflage and forage with the best of them.

Two weeks ago I forgot to give someone a raise that I'd been informed of over the phone. Yes, I made a note on my memo pad, and it's probably still there, along with all my other notes. Looking for notes didn't occur to me when I was writing payroll checks that week. So I got to add to my workload by writing an extra check to make up the difference, and then figuring out how to shoehorn the corrections into the payroll reports.

Today, I was reminded of a letter we got a month ago. The Boss and I had talked about how we would respond, and I'd told him I'd take care of it. So when he asked me today where we stood with that affair, I had to tell him I was taking care of it today. And I did! But only because nothing tripped me up on the way from the phone to the file where I'd put that letter.

Sorry, but I have to have it in writing. The Boss remembers most of the time, which is the reason my fax tray is constantly filled with notes that start, "Michael, I need ..." He's amazingly forgiving of my faults, so I must have other qualities to recommend me. I wish I knew what they are. The only skill I'm truly confident in is burying my own mistakes.

I can't believe that late this afternoon I found the time and the energy to get out into the fading light of such a glorious day and work in the yard. I haven't slept much all week, and I was so overloaded with work today that I couldn't take time to go with Mom and Suzanne to see my uncle. Maybe it's because the light seems to linger a little longer on brilliant days like the ones we're having. Somehow I found the time (or made it), and I summoned the energy from somewhere as well.

The rain the other day softened up the ground and added to the therapeutic value of yanking weeds out of the ground. I mean, it's so much more satisfying when you can just give a tug and the deepest roots suddenly appear in your hand.

With the return of the sun, the butterflies are back. One was flitting around me as I worked, and I even left it some new growth that I'd been intending to pull up.

It would have been an idyllic scene, me and the butterflies, if I hadn't had to stop every so often and clean up the nasty little gifts left behind by the dog from next door. I'm thinking maybe they let it come over here to do its business because they don't want it in their own yard. I don't know, because the trees and fences keep their house hidden from mine, and vice versa (which is just as well).

The biggest sign that it's truly fall isn't the changing leaves, but the fact that as the sun sets, it gets dark awfully early, and chilly awfully fast.

My worst panic attack in a long time was at 7:59 pm tonight, when I was sorting laundry on the bed, listening to the ballgame in the background, and I suddenly realized I hadn't put in a tape for Enterprise! (TiVo won't record it because there are no UPN stations (or WB, for that matter) available over the satellite, so I have to use an old-fashioned VCR for most of my favorite shows, the way we did in the olden days.)

It was definitely the fastest I moved all day, maybe all week (maybe in two weeks). I yanked out the tape that was already in the VCR (Monday's Angel, which I haven't got around to watching (but that's another story, how much time it would take to watch everything I have the capacity to record these days)) and sprinted for my pile of blank and used-up tapes.

I picked up whichever one was on top and tried to jam it into the VCR backwards and sideways before getting it to slide in. I pushed the record button about a minute late, and then heaved such a big sigh of relief that I almost hyperventilated.

(I'm not watching everything, I'm happy to say. I got through about twenty minutes of the first episode of Love Cruise last night before I realized I didn't want to spend any more time with these people. I couldn't figure out how they could even stand each other. Click. Delete. Cancel.)