I could give you the usual Saturday pap. In fact, I wrote three paragraphs of it. Bored myself to tears and tore it up. I found a quiet space today, and I inhabited that space for as much of the day as I could. I don’t exactly lead the fast-lane life. I’m not suited for it, and frankly I can’t imagine myself in a world where I have to be stimulated all the time to feel alive.

This week was maybe a little too stimulating. I found myself overwhelmed by simple things like breathing and sleeping. Trying to hard to do both, I didn’t do either well, and it wore me out. I didn’t even realize how much, until I had a chance to slow down and—

Well, not think. I wouldn’t say “slow down and think” as much as “slow down and not believe I had to react to every little thing that happened.” I might have spent too much time this week making myself miserable. I usually leave that to other people, better suited to the task. Once I calmed down and realized that today, I suddenly felt a little lighter.

It’s unusual for me to lose focus like that, because most of the time I’m disengaged enough from the world that I have no problem putting my own life in perspective. I’m not about making myself heard or noticed. I mean, I’m happy to do what I can to make life better or easier for just about anyone, but I’ve always felt that the best way I can do that is by staying out of the way. When I try to force the issue, I usually make things worse.

In real life, I consider myself a mediator. The trouble with that perception is that I’m not very good at it. I want people to get along, and I don’t like it when people stir things up either for no reason or for selfish reasons. I’m always telling someone to see things from the other person’s point of view, not to turn small irritations into big problems. It’s a good thing I’m not a professional, because it’s hard for me to make this point without become one of those small irritations myself.