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Friday, December 27, 2002

Across the back fence from Suzanne and John resides the Evil Mary. The EM is the kind of neighbor who holds a glass to the fence, and then as soon as she hears a noise calls the police. That's a very bad kind of neighbor to have, especially when there are teenagers in the house.

My nephews are adults now, but the EM still calls the cops whenever she hears a noise. If a window is open or the stereo plays after ten o'clock, you can be sure there will be a knock on the door. Once the police came and everyone was in bed asleep. I'm not sure what the EM heard that time. Snoring, maybe?

My family was in that neighborhood long before the EM. When they moved in, there was a field on the other side of the fence, with horses in it. The horses didn't smell bad at all. They were much better neighbors than the EM.

David has been the Evil Mary's target. She has tried to make him her victim, but he won't let her. When the police come up the road, he goes out to meet them. They know him and he knows them. They just roll their eyes at the Evil Mary's paranoid antics, but they have to respond.

This Christmas some very astute friends gave John and Suzanne a gift that will help them get back at the EM, just a little bit. It's Uncle Bob. Here's David, fixing Uncle Bob on a pole so he can look through his binoculars across the fence and directly into the Evil Mary's kitchen window.

David and Uncle Bob

This doesn't solve any problems or ease tensions, but it's the most fun the EM has provided the whole time she's lived in the neighborhood. As we were sitting around the living room on Christmas Day, David happened to be looking out when the EM approached Uncle Bob and then scampered away. We all enjoyed her discomfort, even though it doesn't begin to balance the scales.

peekaboo, Mary

Uncle Bob.

There's no war in the neighborhood, just a constant irritation. If we can get a little perverse pleasure out of it, maybe we can stand to live with it a little longer. David will be moving off on his own soon, and the EM will have to find something else to complain about. Hopefully Uncle Bob will help distract her for now.

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