I was thinking about what I wrote the other day about being judgmental, and I think the reason I try not to be that way with others is that I judge myself so harshly. I have standards that I don’t measure up to. There’s an image I have of who I should be, and then there’s this shadowy sense of how badly I fall short. How can I criticize someone else for being less than perfect?

For some reason I have this built-in desire to make excuses for other people. That’s because I like to assume that there’s no inherent malice in them, at least not in those I come into contact with. I want to think they’re doing the best they can, so if something happens I don’t like, my first thought is that someone is having a bad day (or a bad moment), not that they’re trying to offend. If they’re really evil and hurtful, I’d know it by the pattern of their actions, not by a slip here and there.

Besides, none of us is at our absolute best every moment of every day. To be honest, we’re probably very seldom at our absolute best. So if I say something hurtful, I’d hate to think it would ruin a friendship. I’d like to believe that a real friend would chalk it up to a bad moment and give me another chance. (And then, if I need it, another one after that.) That’s the kind of latitude I’d give them, after all, if tables were turned.

Now obviously, this doesn’t apply when I’m driving down the road and you cut me off. There’s simply no excuse for bad driving, and anyone who gets in my way should be severely chastised and banished from the roadways until they’ve thought about what they did and promise never to do it again. Then we’ll talk about forgiveness.