It’s hard for me to accept that I’ve let it get to July 25 and have done almost nothing about the taxes and reports I need to have finished by the end of the month. I mean, it’s not my fault that it’s July 25, but the rest? All on me.

I blame the heat. It was 108ºF Saturday and 107ºF Sunday, and by Monday it had cooled down to 102ºF. It might have stayed under a hundred today, but I can’t say because I’ve taken to keeping the doors and drapes and blinds closed all day, and all the fans on full blast. It’s the only way I got through yesterday, and I barely made it. It was maybe a little easier today.

But I also blame the fact that I’ve been preoccupied with an internet connection problem. I get spotty connectivity, and the only reason I’m not a hundred percent sure it’s because my DSL modem is wearing out is because my fax line has been in and out also, and the modem and fax share that line. It’s very frustrating, and I’ve been reminded how difficult it would be to live without the internet. I hadn’t even realized I depended on it that much. Really.

Our annual devastating cash flow problem is another thing that I’ve been having to deal with, to the detriment of my sanity and peace of mind (not to mention my time). It seems worse this year because we have more projects going, and they’re bigger than we’ve had in years, and they have to be funded before we can start collecting on them. It’s nothing I haven’t had to deal with in the past, it just seems worse this year. It seems worse every year, come to think of it.

But really, I blame myself. I blame my own laziness and procrastination and inability to stay focused on anything long enough to get through it, until I’m up against a drop dead deadline with nowhere to run. I can come up with excuses galore, but that’s the reason, pure and simple. I don’t work well under pressure, but I work even worse under no pressure.