Sometimes it seems a bit decadent. I've already spent hundreds of dollars (literally!) that I could have used for the good of humanity, or even to pay down my own considerable credit card debt. There's no doubt I live a privileged life, even though it doesn't always feel that way. It's so easy to lapse into moaning about the things I don't have, when I should be simply grateful for what I do have.

On the other hand, it would be horribly wasteful of me not to enjoy every minute of this vacation. And I'm not even talking about money, although money is always a factor. I'm talking about the opportunity to do something I've never done before. I'll be with people I know well, and a few I sort of know, and a lot I don't know at all. I'll be on a ship at sea, and I'll be in three Mexican ports of call. I won't be watching all this on TV or in a movie. I'll be there, in person.

Plus, all the food on that ship is already paid for. Someone has to eat it, and it might as well be me. (I think that's what they mean when they say that travel is broadening.)

Here's what I think. All experience makes a person more aware of the world, more interested to learn about life, and therefore better able to serve humanity. By going on this cruise, I might be taking a step toward making a positive impact on someone else's life, some day, somehow. I know for sure I'm going to improve my own life, and for now that's all I can be sure of.

I owe it to myself to make the most of this time away from my own narrow corner. Whatever else comes of it has to be good, even if it's such a small good that no one notices. What isn't good is running away from new things, and keeping the blinders on. I'm not saying I'm ready for the fast lane, but as long as I'm strapped in and there's a downhill slope in front of me, I might as well take the brakes off for a few days.

However, to assuage the guilt I have to make sure I haven't neglected the fairly sound structure that makes my real life operate with such smooth precision. So I spent today, my last Saturday at home, getting caught up on some of the work I haven't been able to do all week because the Boss has been trying to use me up while he still has me. For exorcising the guilt demon, it's a pretty effective method. It would be even better if I didn't routinely spend half my Saturdays doing exactly the same thing, cruise or no cruise.