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Saturday, June 24, 2000

Every so often I have a day that gets away from me completely, as this one did. I had such plans for getting so much accomplished, and yet so very little actually came out of it. I did get up the last three vacation entries, for June 15, June 16 and June 17, but nothing else got crossed off my list.

When I have a day like this, it usually prompts me to some grand life-changing pronouncement. And it's usually something I know in my heart I won't be able to follow through on, however good my intentions are.

Eventually it always comes back to the same thing, and as much as I try to avoid it, it's back. I feel inferior because I'm not a morning person. Most of the people I admire are alive and alert at exactly the opposite hours from me. They have more accomplished before I get up than I'm likely to get done all day.

Oddly enough, I am also more productive early in the morning, on those days when I see that time of day at all. It's just that it seems so unnatural to me. Staying up late and sleeping in — that's what my body wants me to do, no matter how much I try to reeducate it.

I could make a pact with myself right now, and say I'm going to get up earlier and get more done in the mornings, so that I'd have the afternoons and evenings for other things. It might even work for a few days, as it has before. But given one night when I have a good reason to stay up late, I'd be back to the old schedule before I had a chance to get used to the new one.

Honestly, I'm chicken. I'm scared to make a commitment, because I already have a low enough opinion of my ability to follow through. I don't need another failure. It seems that either way, I won't feel good about myself. I might as well say that I'll "try," and leave things at that.

Okay, I hereby pledge to try to keep talking myself into doing what I know is good for me.

Whew! That's enough of that!

John and Suzanne came by this afternoon to help me put up the gigantic black mailbox that's been sitting in my living room for two months. Well, really, John did it while I made a photographic record of the event.

thank you, Johnmailbox 20--

That brilliant black one, the second from the left, that's my new mailbox. I'm thinking of moving into it. It's almost big enough, and I'm sure it would be quieter.

I've decided that since I can't have quiet, I'm going to have noise. Tonight I pulled my own speakers even further away from the wall in the family room and cranked up the country music on Froggy 92.9. When I got tired of that I switched to rock, then oldies and jazz. I realized through this exercise that Sonoma County doesn't have a really good classic rock station. Where are the Eagles when I really need them?

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