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Thursday, March 10, 2005

This could have been the day I hit rock bottom. Letís hope so, because that would mean it starts to get better from here. I snapped at the Boss on the phone this afternoon, and I whined to anyone who would listen. (After a while, they stopped.) I fell into my chair at 4:30 and couldnít even sleep, as much as I needed to. But I couldnít get up, either.

I was set to stay there the rest of the night when Tammy called and invited me for dinner. The inertia in my soul wasnít strong enough to keep me from saying yes. I dropped everything (not that I was holding anything) and slammed out into the most gorgeous afternoon weíve had so far this year. Weíve been blessed with the best March ever, and Iíve been too sick to enjoy it.

You know what happened next. D.J. latched onto me and told me stories and showed me the pictures of his birthday party (and got mad when I laughed at the one with his face painted, because he wanted to be ďcoolĒ and not ďfunnyĒ). Dakota took my hand and walked me over to the shelf and asked for a toy his mom had already told him he couldnít have, so I tried to jolly him out of that notion (with just a little success).

And Aiden was everywhere, and into everything, except when he was sitting in his highchair stuffing his face. Heís learning some basic sign language (ďmoreĒ being his favorite word). He has a sort of inflated idea about how helpful he is when David is putting latches on the drawers or folding the laundry. And heís perfectly willing to shake his booty on command, as long as heís in the mood.

So it was a successful diversion. If this was rock bottom, the road up out of the quarry has already started. If I needed something to make me want to force myself to start feeling better, I got it. Iím ready for better days.

14 March 2005

New leaves on a blustery day.

And I made a promise to myself to start doing what I need to do to feel better. I have to take better care of my body as well as my mind. No, I donít plan to go to a doctor, but I do plan to take the advice he would have given me if I had gone to him. I took stock of how I felt today and didnít like what I discovered. I need to get more exercise, and eat better, and sleep better. I know I can do something about the first two, and thatís what I intend to do. Starting — I donít know — Saturday? That sounds about right.

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One thing Iíve already started doing is cutting out the caffeine (again). I havenít had any since last Saturday morning, just before I got really sick. No coffee, no sodas...hmm... Could that be why Iíve been getting these headaches? I donít think Iíll ever give up coffee completely, because I like going to coffee houses and coffee shops, and I like ordering it in restaurants. But I donít get out often enough for those few occasions to make much of a difference.

Recent recommendations can usually be found on the links page.

One year ago: Unrefined
"I didn't really finish the project, in the sense that you finish something and then you can move on. Oh, no. We're light years away from that happy planet, I'm afraid."

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