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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Once upon a time I had this high-minded view of myself as someone who kept at it, working through obstacles and distractions to do the best job I could possibly do, for the simple pride in accomplishment. (Regardless, that is, of any actual value in whatever product I was producing. Dredging that deeply would have ruined the illusion.)

Lately, however (and you knew there would be a ďhowever,Ē or a least a ďbutĒ), Iíve been finding myself looking for excuses to stop working. Or if not actively looking for excuses, at least not avoiding those same obstacles and distractions. I seem to embrace letting things slow me down these days. Iím a latecomer, but Iím becoming a big friction fan. Inertia has taken on a whole new meaning.

So a day like today is becoming rare, when I keep at it all day, donít have a lot to show for it, but still feel satisfied with the attempt. Most days, I feel as if thereís never a time when there arenít three or four things I should be doing. At the end of the day, I look back and see all Iíve done and all I havenít done.

Today was different, in that I looked back and saw not all the holes I dug, but all the digging I did. Could it be Iíve found the secret of happiness?

21 March 2006

There goes the sun.

Since our checks were stolen last week, parts of my work load (parts I donít especially enjoy, like payroll accounting) have doubled. And then some (or at least thatís how it feels). I canít get through even a normal payroll unless I keep at it without wandering. So really, with the way I have to do things now, staying in the zone is the only way. Today I managed to make a virtue of necessity, not because itís virtuous but because itís necessary.

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My four favorites on American Idol tonight: Mandisa: You have way too much class for a talent competition. Taylor Hicks: I donít know if youíre the best singer, but you are by far the most fun to watch on stage. Chris Daughtry: Great idea, but Chris Isaak already owns that niche; keep rocking, though. Katharine McPhee: I hear singers on the radio every day doing what you do, but only half as well. (On the other hand, I was not as enamored of Ace Young as the judges and the audience seemed to be, and it was nice of Simon to be gentle with Kevin Covais, but really — does he belong in the competition at this stage? Iíd be surprised to see Bucky Covington back next week. Sorry, but you know: reality check.)

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One year ago: Spring?
"If itís spring, why am I so cold and wet? (Short answer: because I went out in the rain.)"

Two years ago: Book Nook
"I didn't plan it that way; it just happened. Some people who know me well knew it would happen. (Actually, a few people who don't know me all that well predicted it, too.)"

Three years ago: Local News
"I saw hawks, doves and turkeys in my yard today. Guess which one posed for a picture."

Four years ago: Classroom Confidential
"If they think I'm going to pay $45 to go to the thirty-five year reunion, they must think I'm still the servile lackey, begging for a crumb of approval, that I was 35 years ago. Nice of them to invite me, though."

Five years ago: Losing the Edge
"It's a whole lot easier to know what I should be doing than to do it."

Six years ago: Garbage In...
"I may have come across as a bit of a smartass."

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